Deep evaluation

Sem break just started and at last, I found myself a reason to have a deep think and evaluation on myself. It is a truth. I lose. Totally lose. Everything seemed go in another direction with me. I just wonder and think. How can? How can it be? What happened? I lose. I lose. I lose totally. Looking around and I found nothing. Everything just fake and fake.
Many told me before that I am thinking in a negative way. In fact, half half. The current me is in bad situation physically and mentally. I am tired. Sometimes, I just wanna give up and get out from my current life. Come on. I am just a normal person with a normal life. But why the life is complicated, challenging, tiring?
What is the time where I can close the file? The file.....
My life and the file....
Secrets around my mind and cannot tell anyone except few. It is really tiring. In front of all of you, I am normal. I like to smile, cheer everyone around me, and make everyone happy. However, when I look on mirror, I seemed a bit... a bit...
I am old no matter physically and mentally. I tried to ask myself. What can i do now? Everything just... just...
The night is so silent. So peaceful. Listening to songs in laptop, chatting with friends, I am still thinking. I need to change. Need to change my personality. I need my prz and cssk bk. And to be tough, stronger.
Kailiang, u can do it. Can it? YA!!!!!!!! (as same as hojun comment)

P.S thx for everything, fatt chi, bruce and paul.
P.S 世人辱我，欺我，笑我，谤我，如何处置？
唯有忍他，由他，避他，不要理他。
A nice quote